A swinger is a person in a relationship who has sex with other people, usually as a couple and with their partner present or aware. Swinging is consensual and unpaid, which is the legal difference from escorting: when money is exchanged for sex, the law on escorts applies.
What swinging involves
- Soft swap. Couples take part in sexual activity with each other’s partners, short of intercourse.
- Full swap. Intercourse is included.
- Same room or separate rooms. Some couples stay together and others go apart. Both are common, and each couple sets its own rule.
- Clubs and parties. Swinging often happens at private clubs and organised parties, which have their own membership and house rules.
- The lifestyle. The community’s own word for swinging and the culture around it.
- A third person. A couple may invite one person to join them. The word unicorn is sometimes used for a bisexual woman in that role, although many people find it demeaning.
Ground rules
Couples who swing happily tend to agree the same things beforehand: exactly what is and is not allowed, a word or signal that stops everything, no photos or recordings, condoms, regular tests, and what to do if one of them is uncomfortable. Either partner can stop at any point, and the other should accept it without argument.
Swinging and the law
Sex between consenting adults in private is not a crime, and swinging is not prostitution, because nobody is paid. Sex in a public place can be an offence, such as outraging public decency or exposure, and recording someone without consent is a crime. Dogging explains where the line falls outdoors. If money changes hands for sex at an event, it is no longer swinging: it is escorting in law, and the offences around it, including those on brothels, can apply to whoever runs the event.
Swinging, open relationships and polyamory
Swinging treats sex as something a couple does together with others. An open relationship usually means one or both partners have sex with other people separately, and polyamory means loving more than one person. Polyamory and open relationships sets out the differences.
Swingers and escorts
Some couples who are curious about a third person book an escort instead of looking for one at a club. It is a paid, time limited arrangement with the terms agreed first, which suits couples who want no ongoing contact. Both partners should agree, and it should be said in the first message. Duo escorts and couples bookings explain how it works, and how booking works covers the first message.
For other terms, see the dating and hookup slang A to Z.